April 15, 2007

Free association: baby wipes

The last few weeks have been a hurricane in my head. So busy! Thinking so much! But the only reason I am posting right now is that the development server I use to work on my client's site is temporarily down. This is not the moment to unleash the hurricane. So I'm going to post about something quick and fun instead of something big and heavy. I am posting about baby wipes!

Tracey at The T Spot posted recently about her love for baby wipes as a sex-related cleaning tool.

Lube is a glorious and wonderful thing that everyone should use constantly for the rest of their lives. That being said, the Slip and Slide that is your crotch post-humping tends to stop being sexy and just kind of annoying. This is where the baby wipes rock my world.

Although baby wipes are fairly cheap, I thought I'd post these two links for making your own on the super cheap, in case you think that wipes would rock your world too.

  • Conventional homemade baby wipes from Christian mommies dot com, because how often do you get to link to useful vagina tips from Christian mommies? It happens occasionally, but I can't yet take it for granted.
  • Natural homemade baby wipes from Natural Birth and Baby Care. These use olive oil and calendula and things like that, for people like me who don't like soap anywhere near their self-cleaning vaginas.

I have been thinking a lot about jizz rags and cum cleanup in the last few months, for... I don't know, for a variety of reasons. Currently, I mop up with toilet paper after sex, but the possibility of dedicated towels-- like hand towels except for your crotch-- is intensely fascinating and attractive to me. So luxurious! I think Mimi Smartypants started it.

Once, after some middle-of-the-night sex, I sleepily got up to use the bathroom and, post-toilet-paper, I pulled out one of these towels and finished the job. No, I don't know why. Perhaps I was sleepwalking. Perhaps my foggy brain decided that terrycloth would feel delightful on my princess. Regardless, I did it, left the towel on the floor, and stumbled back to bed, only to be completely horrified when I found it there the next day, thinking OH MY GOD I HAVE A CUM TOWEL! I AM A TEENAGE BOY!

I thought, "I bet that would feel delightful on my princess. Maybe these teenage boys are on to something..." I love textile textures; I would like to line all my pockets with terrycloth or velvet. I sometimes sleep with a towel over my pillow even when I don't have wet hair, just because I like to put my face on it. I love my Lunapanties because they have a fleecy gusset. On top of the textural fascination, I love having personal items dedicated solely to making a mess, having tools that serve my bodily experiences. I think sex towels would rock my world.

My first plan was to get some towels monogrammed for loverman for his birthday or something, to support his personal masturbation lifestyle. The perfect gift for... certain occasions!

(Aside, because this post has clearly crossed over into "long and rambly" territory already: so loverman and I just got married. This has a huge amount of personal and political baggage, but I feel good about the way we are being married. That's another post, for sure. The relevant part here is that on my one visit to a "hip bride" kind of site, which was an accident, I decided that since I was there I would have a peek at the "feminist" section of their discussion board. First discussion I saw? "Now that we're married, should I cut off his porn?" Wow. This was not the kind of hip, feminist discussion that I find very stimulating. Why is it suddenly different after you are married? Why are you two getting married if you don't like his sexual habits? Have you looked into positive pornographic possibilities? It did not make me want to be a "hip bride" but it definitely reaffirmed my desire to get monogrammed, luxury Gentleman's Towels for loverman. "Here," I would say. "Whenever a person masturbates, god gives a kitten its wings! Now you can masturbate in style and comfort! Go forth in peace!")

Now I want my own monogrammed sex linens (let's call them Lover's Towels), and I'd like to make sets for adolescent children and stuff. "Here. Sex is slippery, and you can clean up with these ethically produced, sustainably harvested, clean and safe, beautiful, soft and comforting fluffy towels. And then just put them in the laundry, like underwear." It seems so cuddly and positive.

This is my vision. I think I should start by buying some normal facecloths or something, instead of doing what I usually do and holding out until I get a chance to learn embroidery and design a monogram.

It will be awesome. I'll totally make a new directory on this website. www.myvag.net/sex-towel. Get ready!

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