March 16, 2005

A new appreciation for hot cream

At dinner tonight, four men at the next table were talking loudly about “hot cream.” Where did they each like to go to get that hot cream? How much did hot cream cost from various purveyors? Wasn't hot cream the greatest? Didn't they all love that machine that dispensed hot cream when the guy pushed on it?

All my associations with the phrase “hot cream” are pornographic, I discovered. It took me a lot of concerted eavesdropping to determine that hot cream is a service you get from a barber. A gourmet shave, with pre-heated shaving cream. This sounded like a pretty great idea after all. (And explained my confusion. Come on, “the guy puts hot cream on your face”?!)

Cross-pollination ensued: I think a hot cream bikini treatment would be seriously luscious. What if professional pubic shaving services became as common as waxing? Pubic grooming could be a relaxing spa therapy, instead of an exercise in toleration. I might even be convinced to pay some kind of underbarber to administer a warm, fluffy concoction to my pubes, strictly to make them shiny or whatever.

The allure of hot, non-sexual cream in my lap has completely replaced my former pornographic visions. I'll probably have to try this out. Any advice on cream that is heatable? Whipped cream melts. Does shaving cream? Do tell.

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