Meta-list: The List of Lists

Songs to Go Blind By

People love to make lists of songs about masturbation. I was going to weigh in on the matter, but it turns out that I hate ranking and reviewing songs. I am much more interesting in collecting and including. These lists include plenty of songs sung by male masturbators as well as female. Most of them have little to do with gender or biological sex, so I find nearly all of them suitable for inclusion in this vagina music zine.

• Lengthy group list of masturbation songs
• Anne Semans' Top 5 Female Masturbation Songs
• One addition: Vibrate, by Rufus Wainwright doesn't seem to have made any lists yet, and it might be my favorite of all musical allusions to self-love. “Call me anytime you like/ My phone's on vibrate for you…”

Make Out Music

Everybody has a personal ideal of make-out music, so lists of sexy songs are pretty pointless. Here are other kinds of lists about sex in music.

• As a corollary to our judges' declaration of Kinky Reggae as the greatest song about pussy that isn't actually about pussy, here is a reasonably helpful list of sexy songs that aren't about sex.
• Audiogalaxy's look at sex in old music promotes free speech more than seduction, but its details of raunchy old blues ladies like Lucille Bogan and Lil Johnson are fabulous.

Women's “Issues”

Most lists labelled “songs about women's issues” contain songs about abortion and reproductive rights. Notably, these are more often pro-life lists than pro-choice lists, but everybody seems to approve of Ani Difranco's Lost Woman Song.

• Pro-choice and women's rights songs
• Pro-life, post-abortion mourning songs and a stodgey, academic look at pro-life messages in rap music

Tiny Lists

I have a few favorite song topics that don't make for very big lists, so I've compiled them all here to keep each other company on the page.

Songs about Underwear

1. Underwear, by Pulp. A confession: I really like Pulp, so I get a real kick out of hearing Jarvis sing “And in a moment, he'll want to see your underwear.”
2. Underwear, by Magnetic Fields. These underwear songs tend to be simple and to the point. “A pretty girl in her underwear. If there's anything better in this world, who cares?”

Songs about Birth, or, The Make-Up's Greatest Hits

1. Isn't She Lovely, by Stevie Wonder. Nobody else could get away with this level of cheeziness; this is pure happiness. “Isn't she lovely? Made from love!”
2. We're Having a Baby, by The Make-Up. One of many ridiculous songs about spawning squealed by Ian Svenonius. “It's gonna be painful! What are we gonna name it?”
3. Every Baby Cries The Same, by The Make-Up. Why disperse these throughout the list? I'll make it easy for you to skip over The Make-Up songs now that you have the idea. Rich babies, poor babies, city babies, country babies…
4. Born on the Floor, by The Make-Up. A singular point of view. “I kicked against the womb! I said, ‘Mama, I want to come out soon!’”
5. Cleo, by Built To Spill. A song from the point of view of a more average fetus, sung by the most fatherly man in indie rock.

You're The Father / I'm Not The Father

These could actually form a substantial list, and would be a solid mix tape theme. C'Mon Billy vs. Billie Jean. The tiny list that intrigues me is the “I'm the Father / You're Not The Father” song collection. This theme comes up often enough in movies— can someone enlighten me as to the songs about it?

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