virginity

page updated: 30-Mar-2004

I should mention that my first boy sex didn't hurt. I wasn't worried that it would, because my vagina had lots of practise, between masturbation and using various internal menstrual products. That's probably the main thing people reading this page wanted to know, besides my age statistics. Ha ha.

I didn't have any particular emotional or intellectual reaction the first time I had sex. If anything, I was somewhat relieved, not to have had sex, but to have credibility should anybody ever question my smuttiness. It didn't make me believe any differently about myself, but for whatever reason it made me more convinced that I could get other people to believe who I was. Gah.

All this and nobody ever once made any comment to suggest that I was inferior in any way for being a virgin. I think I extrapolated from comments made at previous moments to suggest that I definitely was inferior for not having bled yet, or had a boyfriend, or for having small breasts in grade 9 and whatever else. So... yes it was in my head, but I still blame the weird pressure pot that is junior/high school culture.

Also, I was thinking about it, and it seemed a little odd that people now will develop angst and shame about being "too old" to be a virgin, when being a virgin used to be expected and a status point. Then I got to thinking that before the sexual revolution or whatever, women just used to get ashamed of being "too old" to be unmarried, which amounted to exactly the same thing if you weren't supposed to have premarital sex. So really it has always been shameful to not be desired sexually, we've just taken the marriage part out of it. This annoys me no end, especially considering the piles of people I know who are perfectly desirable but single or celibate or virgins because of random situations. However, I don't know how to deal with this at all. Euh... everybody please be nice to each other from now on and don't make anybody feel inferior unless they are doing something mean.

I know people can also end up with shame and guilt about having sex "too young" or any old time, but this has not been my experience at all. Everyone I've ever known who had any guilt in this area has offset it with pride in their desirability, prowess, conquest, naughtiness, precociousness, whatever.

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