oral sex habits

page updated: 30-Mar-2004

Who's a cunning linguist?

The official latin-based term for oral sex on a female is cunnilingus. A friend of mine wants to make a product called something like Honeylingus. I don't use either of these terms except in official discussion. I rarely use 'going down' either. I think I have avoided most established sexual terms for some reason. Right now my beloved and I say "kissing on" to refer to either of us, and context explains where this kissing on would occur. It is kind of nice not to define things exactly.

I like to have my vulva kissed on. It does not have to be carried through to orgasm, although it is one of the easiest ways for me to have one. Licking and kissing and things are sexy foreplay, and I like all the wet feelings.

I have not found that either girls or boys are intuitively more adept at performing this, but other people might think otherwise. People get rapidly better with practise, and I think girls become more brilliantly skilled with less practise, possibly partly because being kissed on yourself is another source for ideas. To be a good kisser, I think that it is important to pay attention to how the woman you are kissing on is reacting.

Thus, it is important to respond helpfully if you are a woman being kissed on. I don't think that graphic "left...right...no, slower" kind of directions are necessary, especially since I don't usually have an exact vision of what I would like to be done to me. However, varying degrees of happy or excited sounds can let your lover know what feels better than other things, and encourage them to keep doing something that feels good. Then they can still be creative.

More explicit directions can be given by shifting my hips around to get my partner where I'd like them to be. I sometimes involuntarily push a person's head against me some if they do something that feels good. It seems to get the "keep doing that!" point across, but so would saying something.

I think some of the reason oral sex tends to get better as I get to know my partner is that I get more explicit with the happy sounds. I think I have been less shy with each new person, but I still start out shy-er than I end up. I should probably point out that I mostly don't make noises on purpose, or with the intention of giving technical direction. I am just being expressive, but I think it is an important way to communicate.

I find personally that any combination of fairly smooth techniques does good things to me. Changing direction all the time or any kind of poking or jerking usually distracts me too much to get excited. Things don't always have to be gentle, but smoothness and softness is an asset. Flexed, pointy tongues are less sexy to me, but everyone has different preferences.

A variety of things can be done to a vagina with the lips, tongue, teeth, mouth, nose and chin. Among them are long laps, short laps, fast or slow lapping, licking along the side of the inside lips, licking between them, circling the clitoral hood or the opening of the vagina with the tongue, sucking on lips or the clitoris with or without simultaneous licking, pressing the clitoris (usually better to press near the clitoris), wiggling things with the tongue, and putting nearly anything into the vagina. If there is a tongue piercing involved, it can participate or not depending on how much of the tongue is in contact with the vagina at any particular time.

I have never had someone with a pierced tongue lick or kiss on my vagina, but I've heard good things about my piercing in this context. This makes sense to me. The jewellery is smooth and round and would just be extra sensation.

Fingers can get involved pressing, stretching, stroking or being inserted into places. They can also touch other body parts like hips, waist, thighs, breasts or bum. All of these things can be good. I am particularly susceptible to being kissed on and touched by slippy fingers at the same time, when all the appendages are sliding rather than poking and are splitting and filling things (either actually inside me or between external parts).

I've never had toys involved with oral sex, like being kissed on and having a product put in me at the same time. Only fingers frequently end up inside me whilst being licked. I think I have a bias towards things that can be achieved using only bodies.

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