libido

page updated: 30-Mar-2004

I think of my sex drive as referring both to how often I want to have sex or an orgasm, and how intensely I want to. Basically, this describes how often and how much I get sexually aroused.

The usual figure I've come across for the scientifically determined average desired frequency of sex is once every 3 days. Most people realise that this varies by person, and generally with age, possibly gender, and with the length of time you've been with the same partner (monogamy can lead to less sex, but also better sex).

When I started masturbating, I think it was mostly more often than once every 3 days. In relationships, I have more urgent desires than that statistic or my solo libido. The beloved boy, who I live with right now, is the only person I've been with long enough to have the possibility of getting bored. We still have crazy sex, which is partly because we are both smuts and crazy for each other, and probably partly because we are only 21. I think it would be hilarious to be 85 and have sex every day. Besides grossing out the kids and neighbours, it would just be good.

I find that my intellectual desire to get it on often outpaces what my body can physically keep up with. Sometimes I will think it would be a good idea to have sex, but it will be hard to get me actually aroused. Sometimes I just end up sore from having sex too frequently.

The most intense my libido has ever been was when I moved to a job in a different city than my boy for 4 months. We only saw each other on the weekends, and tended to stay in bed most of the day and not get any sleep. Occasionally he would come for a surprise visit in the middle of the week and I'd end up late for work, or missing it all together. I think the most we had sex was 7 times in one day, or 5 times in 3 hours.

Now that we are retired and see each other all day, every day and have lived together for over a year (that makes us spouses on next year's income tax, which is both fun and gross), we have mellowed out to once or twice a day, which is still rather a lot. I like it.

I think what has happened is that this has become our regular sex life, so that it doesn't seem like a lot to keep up. If we miss a day, or if one of us is away for awhile, both our desires go up. If we stay in bed all day, the next day will usually be chaste until nighttime.

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