Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently Suggested Solutions

For almost any problem, my amateur suggestions are...

  • Masturbation. Not sure how something works? Try it on your own first.
  • Lubrication. Any penetration can benefit from more lube.
  • Communication. If you don’t know what she/he wants, please ask her/him, not me.

Frequently Asked Questions

Contact info comes after all the questions. Feel free to send better answers.

My boyfriend thinks I’ve slept with someone else because my vagina doesn’t feel tight. What is going on?

Tight vaginas are usually just dry vaginas (which, incidentally, are more likely to get injured than a sufficiently lubricated vagina). It is a myth that sex stretches vaginas and makes them loose.

If you want more contact with whatever is in your vagina, learn to squeeze your vaginal muscles (see How can I tighten my vagina below).

I bleed from my vagina during/after sex. It doesn’t hurt and it isn’t my period. What it is?

Please see the page about bleeding after sex.

How can I tighten my vagina?

Firstly, no chemical can tighten the vagina. Vinegar and other chemicals can upset the pH and the friendly bacterial populations in the vagina, leaving it prone to infections. Douching is harmful. Don’t put chemicals in your vagina. OK? OK.

Vaginas are made of muscles, and there are some very simple and effective exercises to firm them up so that they don’t feel so loose, and so you can squeeze them to make them feel even tighter. As a bonus, the exercises can improve everything from bladder control to labour to orgasms. Please see the muscles page, or do a search for Kegel exercises.

Finally, often when people describe a vagina as tight or loose, they are referring to how easy it is to penetrate that vagina, which is really a function of how slippery it is. Slipperiness prevents chafing and injuries, so I recommend always keeping sex slippery. Muscular squeezing is a better way to increase sensation than dryness.

My vagina is so tight that it hurts to be penetrated. How can I fix it?

Vaginas are stretchy, being muscular birth canals, so this can be solved. See elasticity for things to do if your vaginal walls are fragile or don’t stretch. See also the Vulvar Health Organization for ways to deal with vaginismus (a vagina that spasms shut) or vulvodynia (vulvar pain).

For the stretchy vagina, try these things to make penetration more fun:

  • Lubrication! Far and away this is the most common cause of painful penetration for women. Make sure that both the vagina and the penetrating object in question are very slippery. This slipperiness can be natural, body-made lube, or it can come from a bottle. Just make sure that anything store-bought is water-based and condom-safe if you are using latex. Slipperiness makes all kinds of penetration much more comfortable and enjoyable. Also, some people find that the smoothness of condoms makes penetration easier, so if you are having trouble, you might try using condoms at least to start.
  • Start slowly and gradually— try a finger first and just press against the sides to see what amount of stretching can feel good. Using lots of lube, work up to two fingers when you want to, and from there to something bigger like a dildo or 3 fingers or a penis or whatever. Also: cut your nails if your fingers will be petting a person’s sensitive regions. This doesn’t have to happen all in one session.
  • You can explore on your own too. One of the best educators for penetration is masturbation.

Where is the clitoris? What should I do to it when I find it?

My own simple way of finding a clitoris for the first time is to look a vulva in the face. You can do this on a separate woman or you can look at your vulva in the mirror. I’m going to refer to the belly side as “up.” Find the labia minora (the small inner lips) that surround the vaginal opening and the urethra. Follow them up to where they join at the top. Just above this juncture is a sensitive bump of flesh— the head of the clitoris! It can vary a lot in size, shape and colour. It is covered by its own little hood of skin, which might sort of join up with the labia below. The clitoris isn’t just a little nub, but that is the easy part to find. If you feel above it, under the little hood, you may be able to feel part of its shaft, especially if the woman involved is aroused.

On this site, I detail ways I personally prefer to stimulate my clitoris. Other clitoris resources include this practical, comprehensive, accurate page about how the clitoris functions during sex and what you can do to it, and the-clitoris.com, which has pictures. Enjoy!

What do women like during sex?

Lots of different things! The only way to know what any particular woman likes is to ask her. It will probably vary from time to time.

How can I have orgasms during sex?

I discuss my own methods on the orgasm pages. Basically, I think it helps if you can masturbate to orgasm, if you are honest with your partner, and if you understand how to stimulate your clitoris and/or G-spot during sex.

There are rumours that lots of women don’t have orgasms during intercourse, but I don’t think that means that it isn’t possible. Making sure you get the kinds of stimulation you need, using pubic bones, fingers, mouths, or toys should do the trick.

How can I make sure my first time having sex is really great?

The best way is to define “really great” in a reasonable way. Scarleteen.com has a great Sex 101 primer.

Do boys expect me to shave my pubic hair in a particular way?

Oh, who knows? People are full of weird expectations. More importantly, there is no right or wrong way to style your pubic hair. It is your pubic hair to do with as you wish. Nobody else controls your body.

For some fun styling ideas, check out Creating Pubic Art, from the Vaginal Arts & Crafts zine of Summer 2004.

The inside of my vagina isn’t smooth. Is something wrong with it?

Probably not! The vagina isn’t a smooth tube, it is a very expandable tube that rests in a folded, pleated, collapsed state. It curves around, there is a bump on the front wall over the pubic bone and G-spot, and there is a bump towards the end that is the cervix.

Regular pap smears and pelvic exams ensure that you’ll know if something goes amiss.

My vagina is too pale/dark, has bumps, is kind of veiny, has bigger labia on one side than the other, sticks out/in, is too puffy/flat, has a mole, makes a lot of discharge, or otherwise seems weird. Am I normal??

Yes! Vaginas and vulvas can be all those things and way, way more. They come in all kinds of colours and shapes and it is perfectly fine and beautiful for yours to not look like the simplified anatomical diagrams in sex ed. If it doesn’t hurt, itch, change, or make really bizarre discharge (green or grey, or with really offensive smells), and if its structure doesn’t stop you from menstruating, then as far as I know, it is healthy and fine. Consult a gynecologist if you are worried.

Please see symmetry, colour, inside, labia, size, and whatever else you like for descriptions of the variations of my personal vagina.

Do you have conscious muscle control over your labia?

No. They aren’t like the lips on my mouth. They are more like love handles. I don’t think there are any muscles in the labia minora or majora.

It would be pretty cool if I did though.

Who are you? How old are you? Can I have a picture of you? Are you really hot?

Please see my little bio. I don’t send pictures to visitors. There are pictures of me at alohamedia.net.

Don’t you have anything better to do than write about your vagina all day? Are you a [male-to-female transexual] who doesn’t even have a vagina yet, or a dirty old man?

See the introduction to find out about my motivations for making this site. Rest assured that I don’t work on it all day. Check the blog archives and you’ll notice that I took a year and a half break at one point.

If you don’t trust that I am who I say I am, why bother asking me to say it again? This is the internet. You can’t really be sure I’m anyone, I can’t do anything about that, and you might as well get used to it.

Are you aware that Jesus Christ died for all your sins? Are you aware that birth control is murder? Do you know you’re going to hell for various reasons?

You may as well become aware that I’m happily atheist and not interested in debating personal moral decisions.

What About My Question?

There’s always the contact form.

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