I'll be talking about where I'm at with do-it-yourself sex ed and anti-authoritarian sexuality in general, and about ways to apply never ending streams of big ideas to your own sex life without losing your mind. I hope that sounds fun. It's fun to me. This is the description I wrote for their program:
Little patterns for learning about sex.
If modern sexuality information comes from anti-oppression movements like feminism, civil rights and queer liberation, why is so much sex education delivered by authorities like parents, teachers, doctors, experts and celebrities? It's hard to be sexually empowered when someone is telling us what is best and what to do, even if they have the best intentions. Meanwhile, when we decide to do some DIY research on our own, it's easy to get overwhelmed by abundant and ever-changing ideas about sexual health, pleasure and politics.
This is a collection of tools for learning about sexuality, drawn from do-it-yourself philosophies, unschooling, anti-oppression and pro-equality movements, nonviolence, a lot of sex activism and education, and some network mathematics for good measure.
If Oswego is your neighbourhood, I hope you come say hi! I'll post the text and any notes online after the event.
]]>We're looking for a new Lunagal who is interested in working for about 30 hours/week at a progressive, feminist, internet-based green small business in Vancouver BC. Enthusiasm for natural menstrual products is a must, as are good computer skills, personable customer service and affectionate tolerance for occasionally discovering small children hiding under your desk.]]>
My friend Tracey Coulter of The T-Spot will present a heap of info about sex toys, followed by group discussion (bring your tips and questions). We'll be covering materials, costs, safety, product types and care, basic use ideas, shopping tips and how to choose toys, as well as ideas for using sex toys to solve sexual problems without drugs or medical treatment, how to use sex toys as a sex safety strategy, and fun stuff like that.
The Sex Ed Exchange is (so far) me, Tracey, and Robin Tosczak from the Anti-Violence Project. We've been putting on monthly events where people can talk about sex and sexuality in the best anti-oppressive environment we can make. We usually have a movie or a community resource person to get us started, but we emphasize (optional) group discussion and peer sharing, rather than experts and authorities. We're figuring out how to support each other in DIY sex education. It's fun!
]]>A lot of this current inarticulate phase has been spent reading the One Tenacious Baby Mama blog. This week she put out a call for voluntary contributions to a link anthology of "reloaded" posts-- old stuff you wrote that you still like, in the realm of radical political analysis. On the one hand, digging through old posts is just my speed right now, since I haven't been doing much new writing. On the other hand, part of the reason I haven't been writing is because I've been doing a lot of reading, thinking and mental upgrading, so everything I write feels outdated the second I commit it to letters. Furthermore, I don't know if there is anything on this site that you could properly categorize as radical analysis... there are some radical instincts in here, at best.
This call for submissions felt like a good opportunity but one that was likely to be pretty embarrassing. That's total catnip to me, so I sent along my post about the concept of safer sex and why I prefer to think of it as sex safety.
The final list of contributions looks pretty meaty. I like Darkdaughta's intro to it, where she talks about problematizing the contributions. Yes, there are problems, but there is lots of value to be found by considering the problems. Bueno. That is the spirit in which I contributed, so I feel happy about this context. Thanks, dd, for writing a smart intro that adds value to all the contributions.
There will be another reload next week, so consider sending something for the collection. Here's this week's result:
From Darkdaughta:
]]>Reloaded will be happening every Sunday. So, if you or any blogger you know has an old post they really liked the first time around, something thick or difficult that they'd like to have circulate through the blogosphere again, just get in contact with me. Thanks.
Fingers crossed...here goes...
A few people from the conference on menstrual cycle research asked for these notes from my presentation about idealized vulvas and genital self-image, explaining why I don't think pornography is the root of unrealistic expectations about the way labia "should" look. (Those are notes from a similar talk last year.)
And, hello to anybody who is popping by after last night's Sex Ed Exchange movie event! I had a good time and learned a few things, and hope you did too. Anybody who wants to be notified of future events can email me and I'll make sure you get on the list. (You can also subscribe to my newsletter for updates about this website and my own schedule of events.)
See you all on the other side of this deadline. Keep on rocking in the free world.
]]>Also on the show tomorrow night: cycle charting, new research from the Society for Menstrual Cycle Research and CeMCOR, zines, herbal advice, menstrual suppression, alternative menstrual products, movie reviews, and resources. That’s a lot!
Partway through the show, I’ll be running off to help host a screening and discussion of Celebrating Orgasm, Betty Dodson’s instructional DVD about women’s masturbation. Event details in the last post. We’ve got about 30 40 people on the RSVP list; it should be a fun discussion!
A screening of Giovanna Chesler’s documentary film about the rising popularity of menstrual suppression using continuous birth control pills and other hormonal methods, presented by the Society for Menstrual Cycle Research and CeMCOR. Timely topic! Should be a fun discussion afterwards, too.
“As millions of women and girls take shots and pills to stop their periods, the meaning of menstruation changes. Current marketing of hormonal birth control attracts customers by promising freedom from monthly periods. For many consumers, menstrual suppression eliminates painful monthly flow, giving them more control in their lives. For others, menstrual suppression represents a frightening shift in thinking about the human body and another dangerous experiment on woman’s health. Period: The End of Menstruation? interrogates the cultural and medical side effects of suppression before ‘the curse’ disappears.”
7pm, Wednesday, June 6
Suggested donation $10
Screening at:
410-1430 Segal Room
SFU Harbour Centre (515 W. Hastings)
Vancouver BC
I’ll be presenting about idealized vulvas, genital self-esteem, cosmetic labiaplasty surgeries, and what kinds of sex education could improve those situations, as part of the Society for Menstrual Cycle Research Conference at UBC.
3:15 - 4:15pm, Friday, June 8
UBC (Room TBA)
detail: menstruationresearch.org
Registration for the entire conference is a couple hundred dollars; I don’t know how it works if you just want to see one session. I’m sure there’s a way.
Betty Dodson’s educational DVD about women’s masturbation techniques! I’m screening this with two friends (Robin Tosczak from AVP and Tracey Coulter from The T-Spot), following an enthusiastic response to Betty’s recent workshop. Movie and discussion; self-identified women only.
7pm, Wednesday, June 13
$5, please RSVP
Collard Room at Swans Hotel (506 Pandora)
Victoria BC
Hope to see some of you out and about this week. If you have questions or know of other events I should check out while I’m in Vancouver, do email. Thanks!
]]>You can find the conference organizers at feminisms.ca or on Facebook in the “Vancouver Feminist Action Project” group. I think I thanked all of them, but just in case: thanks for your hard work, folks.
I have lots of things to share from Feminism(s), but I think I need to get this meta-conference stuff out of my head first. I like planning events and setting up group discussions, so I made lots of notes related to that. Probably I’ll just send VFAP a link to this as a substitute for the feedback form I didn’t fill out in my rush to get back to Victoria and my familiar bed (and bedmate).
The conference goal was to work at making connections between different feminist groups and individuals, and to try to overcome some of the isolation and sense of fractured community that many activists describe, so I thought it was pretty cool that the conference was explicitly structured around not excluding or isolating people (not perfect, but they made an effort at every kind of accessibility and inclusion I can think of, including having moderators who let people make angry and critical comments, and get off-topic when necessary).
These are some of the “ingredients” I thought were useful, sort of like patterns for throwing your own conference (ok, my own conference).
This is an important kind of accessibility and I know VFAP worked hard at it, cutting perks and holding pre-event fundraisers to offset costs. Good tactics. The person registering ahead of me was able to say, “I’d like to come for all three days and I can’t pay.” The reply was, “That’s fine. We’re feminists. Here’s your conference schedule.”
Every day opened with a session with a local First Nations grandmother acknowledging our location on stolen land and hanging out (lots of grandkids stories and stuff; it was pretty great). Every session opened with a reminder that no racist, sexist or otherwise hateful comments would be tolerated, and a mention that volunteers were nearby to offer support if a session triggered abuse flashbacks or even strong emotions. Organizers acknowledged that they made an effort to get older women, queer women, women of colour, native women and women living in poverty out to their conference because those people are often excluded from discussions about feminism. They acknowledged that this was still a pretty white conference. They made a point of including academic and non-academic content, and valuing amateur and DIY experience. Even the billeting request forms specified “self-identified woman-only space” as an option, to acknowledge gender as socially constructed.
These are basic types of political correctness. I personally can handle it if a few presenters turn out to be kind of lightweight, as long as the conference organizers set a nice, sturdy context.
I think one of the most common sources of frustration in political discussion is disappointment that other people are in a different place than you and one of you ends up teaching (or wishing someone would teach) the other disproportionately often. People on both sides— especially on the more knowledgeable end of the spectrum— end up feeling isolated and angry, particularly if either party isn’t into having an immediate teacher-student arrangement. This conference was pretty good at acknowledging different levels of experience, which at least gave people a way to relate other than teaching or avoidance.
Dark Daughta is my top source of discussion on this subject. She seems to always have the most thorough analysis in the room and most “radical” spaces don’t seem very well set up to encourage her level of awesomeness, so she deals with this particular problem a lot. What I Do When Politically Stunted Conversations Piss Me Off should be linked all over the place.
My ongoing obsession with power dynamics in educational situations has me wondering if part of this problem could be solved by emphasizing that political consciousness is a lifelong process, not a one-time acquisition. “Where are you at with feminism?” rather than “Are you a feminist?”.
I think a lot of newer or less radical feminists expect all feminists to believe the same things, as if it is a switch that gets flipped. So when someone else is way more radical, it is like they are a whole other creature and people don't know how to relate. A lot of people aren’t expecting to be challenged constantly, or to have to continuously look for new and better ideas (i.e., to see what is flawed about their current ideas), and I think that could potentially be fixed, at least in part, by organizing group situations in a way that expects a range of knowledge.
Having, for example, a keynote session composed of a knowledgeable lecture about the history of women’s movements by a veteran activist followed by one woman’s story of becoming interested in feminism for the first time a few months ago, definitely demonstrated this spectrum/range concept, and I think it helped people stay in investigation mode instead of getting defensive or giving up. I think this could have been discussed explicitly more often.
Most days there were at least 10 or 12 presenters on the program, in blocks of simultaneous sessions. I would guess the total number of presenters was around 45, and made up half the population of the room at some sessions. I think this did a lot to encourage discussion and “networking” (is there a better word for the non-schmoozing version of that?), because it was obvious that people were there to talk to you. Having so many presenters makes it hard to put anybody on a pedestal, too.
At first I thought it was kind of weird to ask presenters to pay the registration fee, but now I prefer it. It encourages the conference to book lots of presenters, and it’s more egalitarian in that the registration system doesn’t value the contributions of presenters above the contributions of other attendees. I liked this, since the conference was very discussion-focussed. I think the fee structure added to the sense that this was a bunch of people getting together, rather than a bunch of audience members coming to learn from a bunch of experts (a power dynamic that is kind of a pet peeve of mine).
Most of the sessions were set up so that two or three independent presenters talked right after each other, followed by a common discussion period at the end. Great idea! It took serious time-limit-enforcing, but it made for lively discussions and interesting cross-pollination. Ask a prison justice activist about systemic racism in Canada, also get the perspective of an anti-imperialism activist.
I think there could have been more of these discussion periods, or perhaps they could have been in the middle of the day instead of the end (to encourage people to stay). Also I think there could have been a tiny bit of structured conversation to start them off. But generally, this is where I really got down to business with people. A necessary integration time after seeing so many brief, dense presentations, too.
OK, I think that’s all! As always, I love your email even when I can’t answer it all or answer it on time.
]]>I just spent a few days around the local erotica festival, which was about half composed of neat, progressive stuff (Betty Dodson!) and about half composed of people faking arousal to look sexy (a situation I usually categorize as empower-esque; it’s hard to avoid). So I’m especially primed for an article title Women Now Empowered By Everything A Woman Does.
And I’m always ready for an infographic of Top Menstrual Euphemisms.
]]>
The Victoria Erotica Film Fest is looking for three volunteers to help sell tickets to their film screenings on Sunday, May 6. In exchange, you get free entry to the films. Sound fun?
Contact Carol Pharo at cpharo@gmail.com if you are interested.
]]>
I’ll be presenting about DIY sex education (an updated version of the talk I gave in March). My friends Robin and Lola from the Anti-Violence Project at the University of Victoria will be presenting about sex-positive ways to work against sexualized violence, which I’m looking forward to.
Feminisms is hosted by the Vancouver Feminist Action Project, with the goal of sharing knowledge and experience between activists, academics, students and other feminist groups. It’s cheap— $15 each day if you register by April 30!
I will be giving a talk about genital self-esteem— pornography, puberty, plastic surgery, etc— at the 16th Biennial Meeting of the Society for Menstrual Cycle Research, at UBC in Vancouver.
This will be an updated version of a similar talk about labia angst and ideal vulvas that I gave last October, to introduce a screening of the movie Petals.
This is a multidisciplinary conference covering new research and ideas about the menstrual-ovulatory cycle and women’s health and sexuality. Early registration deadline is May 1.
As always (at the occasional conference and also on the bus, etc), I’ll have buttons to give out and I like to talk to you!
]]>Tracey at The T Spot posted recently about her love for baby wipes as a sex-related cleaning tool.
Lube is a glorious and wonderful thing that everyone should use constantly for the rest of their lives. That being said, the Slip and Slide that is your crotch post-humping tends to stop being sexy and just kind of annoying. This is where the baby wipes rock my world.
Although baby wipes are fairly cheap, I thought I'd post these two links for making your own on the super cheap, in case you think that wipes would rock your world too.
I have been thinking a lot about jizz rags and cum cleanup in the last few months, for... I don't know, for a variety of reasons. Currently, I mop up with toilet paper after sex, but the possibility of dedicated towels-- like hand towels except for your crotch-- is intensely fascinating and attractive to me. So luxurious! I think Mimi Smartypants started it.
Once, after some middle-of-the-night sex, I sleepily got up to use the bathroom and, post-toilet-paper, I pulled out one of these towels and finished the job. No, I don't know why. Perhaps I was sleepwalking. Perhaps my foggy brain decided that terrycloth would feel delightful on my princess. Regardless, I did it, left the towel on the floor, and stumbled back to bed, only to be completely horrified when I found it there the next day, thinking OH MY GOD I HAVE A CUM TOWEL! I AM A TEENAGE BOY!
I thought, "I bet that would feel delightful on my princess. Maybe these teenage boys are on to something..." I love textile textures; I would like to line all my pockets with terrycloth or velvet. I sometimes sleep with a towel over my pillow even when I don't have wet hair, just because I like to put my face on it. I love my Lunapanties because they have a fleecy gusset. On top of the textural fascination, I love having personal items dedicated solely to making a mess, having tools that serve my bodily experiences. I think sex towels would rock my world.
My first plan was to get some towels monogrammed for loverman for his birthday or something, to support his personal masturbation lifestyle. The perfect gift for... certain occasions!
(Aside, because this post has clearly crossed over into "long and rambly" territory already: so loverman and I just got married. This has a huge amount of personal and political baggage, but I feel good about the way we are being married. That's another post, for sure. The relevant part here is that on my one visit to a "hip bride" kind of site, which was an accident, I decided that since I was there I would have a peek at the "feminist" section of their discussion board. First discussion I saw? "Now that we're married, should I cut off his porn?" Wow. This was not the kind of hip, feminist discussion that I find very stimulating. Why is it suddenly different after you are married? Why are you two getting married if you don't like his sexual habits? Have you looked into positive pornographic possibilities? It did not make me want to be a "hip bride" but it definitely reaffirmed my desire to get monogrammed, luxury Gentleman's Towels for loverman. "Here," I would say. "Whenever a person masturbates, god gives a kitten its wings! Now you can masturbate in style and comfort! Go forth in peace!")
Now I want my own monogrammed sex linens (let's call them Lover's Towels), and I'd like to make sets for adolescent children and stuff. "Here. Sex is slippery, and you can clean up with these ethically produced, sustainably harvested, clean and safe, beautiful, soft and comforting fluffy towels. And then just put them in the laundry, like underwear." It seems so cuddly and positive.
This is my vision. I think I should start by buying some normal facecloths or something, instead of doing what I usually do and holding out until I get a chance to learn embroidery and design a monogram.
It will be awesome. I'll totally make a new directory on this website. www.myvag.net/sex-towel. Get ready!
]]>OK, group hug, and on to the links!