A story about discharge
I’m finally getting around to acting on my resolution to be more embarrassing on this website. Consider yourself warned.
Am I oozing superglue?
The last few weeks I’ve been pulling some "clean" underwear out of the washing machine with sticky spots in the crotch gussets. It’s like the laundry is rehydrating my vaginal discharge instead of washing it out.
At first I thought maybe a pair of undies just got wrapped up inside a towel or something and didn’t have a fighting chance. But the spots were very difficult to wash out by hand, even with repeated scrubbing and laundry soap. Wo. I thought maybe this was a weird new side-effect of quitting birth control pills eight months ago, since I’m still noticing changes in every cycle. Maybe some blip in my hormones was causing my cervix to manufacture space-age adhesives.
I cultivate a positive attitude, but accepting superglue discharge without feeling like a swamp monster is right at the upper limit of my body image power. It was kind of getting me down. Special boy had to give me a hug after one laundry cycle.
I have determined it only happens to three pairs of matching underwear, so I’m blaming them. Maybe they have gussets made of some weird mucus-magnet. Cervix velcro. (You know, cervix velcro.) That’s settled, but those were some touchy laundry days.
Wait, am I oozing MUD?
Then, yesterday, I was hanging up some freshly laundered panties to dry and noticed a gray, sludgy blob in the crotch gusset of one. I was ready to actually freak out.
It was bad enough fearing that my vaginal discharge had become indestructible and would gradually encase my body unless I hand-washed all my underwear with sandpaper. I was not ready to accept yet another level of discharge weirdness. I am comfortable with my body here, but come on. Grey and sludgy indicates a real problem. I was about to have an irrational tantrum on the theme of, “What do you want from me, body?!”
Tips if this happens to you: take a deep breath, blink once or twice, and consider whether this could be one of those weird marks you get on clothes when they happen to get plastered to the washing machine drain holes during a spin cycle. Like a wet blob of lint. Heave a sigh of relief. Rinse it off. OK.
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