August 29, 2005

All About My Penis

Most people, upon discovering I’ve thoroughly described my vagina on the internet, include somewhere in their first five clarifying questions, “Have you ever considered making the male equivalent? You know... all about his penis?”

My usual answer is that there are already a few sites like that– even one that copied my name (and layout too, for awhile)– but I would still consider making my own version because I have yet to find a penis website that covers information I care about.

Somewhere in the depths of this blog I’m sure I’ve mentioned my essential penis-website topics, “What does it feel like when it floats in water of different temperatures?” and “Does it feel heavy to you when it is erect?”

Today, I bring you two more areas of penis lore that are ripe for online publishing, both of which came to my attention at these kung fu classes I’ve started taking. Sorry to any classmates who will eventually stumble upon this website. Please use my potential embarrassment to keep yours in perspective, and think of the children who will benefit from this exploration.

Penis curiosity #1: the hard outer shell

At kung fu class yesterday, my practice partner rapped his knuckles on his crotch to show he was wearing athletic protection. Knock knock knock. No danger of me hurting him. This revelation has only been made to me three times in my life (every 8 years or so), but always in the exact same way. Always the knock-knock. Is that fun to do for some reason? I don’t think the vulva nation gets the same kick out of armor-plating our genitals, so I’d like to hear about it from a penis-bearer’s point of view.

Penis curiosity #2: is fitness always like this?

Thorough readers of this site may have gathered that I am the world’s least physically active person. I’ve been coasting on adolescent metabolism and my pedestrian lifestyle longer than is really useful, and have decided some effort at fitness is in order; hence the kung fu class. My muscles are not what you would call sculpted or tough, but they are getting noticeably harder. MY BICEPS REMIND ME OF AN ERECTION. Somebody talk to me about this.

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